Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lilangel39540's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, August 1st, 2006
2:13 pm	update! well.. i know i havent been on in a while... its just that i dont have a computer right now... well the internet... a lot has been going on... i dont even know how much more i can take... its just to much for me.... first of all... i thought my parents were getting a divorce which really killed me... but then my mom said my dad refuses to sign the papers... well now... my mom told me just cz they aint getting a divorce dont mean that they are staying together... dang! why does life have to be so complicated??? why cant i just be a little kid again? WORRY FREE! i dont have to worry about all this or even worry about guys... cz when you were little you thought guys had cooties(or however you spell it)... well as most of you know me and jerry are back together again... tiff told me he IM'ed her on yahoo saying all kinds of things like he loves me... well that night i called him and talked to him... of course all of it was true that tiff said... jerry said he missed me and loved me and needed me back in his life... so i took him back and that night i broke up with they guy i was dating down here... cleveland(cleve)... now cleve really liked me a lot... he was so mad that i broke up with him... well... i still talk to cleve cz he is cool to talk to and he makes me laugh... but i really care about jerry... cleve wants me to break up with jerry so i can date him... but i told him i care to much about jerry... i told cleve he dont want me anyways cz im not a good person and i make a lot of mistakes... and i told him that there was a lot of girls out there better than me... and he was like yea i know but if that was the case i would of gotten one already.. then i was like so why havent you... thats when he said, i done told you when you broke up with me i only wanted you... then last night i was talking to him and he still kept saying he wanted me back... and he was like you know you miss me and want me back... and i just kept telling him whatever... so yea... but like i said... i do miss cleve... but i care about jerry so much... and i want to work things out with jerry... he means a lot to me... and if i do get hurt by jerry then thats my fault cz i took the chance of dating him again... and im not going to cry over him... oh yea then when i was on the phone with cleve i was messing with him asking him if he liked jessica... he was like yea i like you... i was like not me jessica... then he kept saying yea i like you.... so yea... then i was like you deserve better than me and he was like yea i probably do deserve better but i dont want better... grr... he is making things soo hard for me... cz im sitting here trying to work things out with jerry and he is saying all this to me... but he knows im not going to break up with jerry for him.... i think he is just hoping me and jerry break up... i dont know... oh yea then cleve last night was like yea when jerry comes down how about me and him fight and whoever wins gets you... i was like um.. no i hate fighting anyways... but yea like i said i care about jerry... and i want us to work out... i hope it does... but if it dont i guess it wasnt meant to be... cz you always learn from your mistakes... people think i shouldnt of given jerry another chance but like i said its MY fault if i get hurt again... but im done for now... (Comment on this)
Friday, June 30th, 2006
4:04 pm	update! ok i know i havent updated in a while... but i just been not home that much... so yea... and i been thinking a lot about the aaron and jerry thing... jerry is still mad at me... and aaron keeps trying to talk to me... he's like do you still hate me or can we be friends... well him and jessi are still dating... i just dont want him to hurt her.. i guess i can be nice to him... i should tell him i would stop hating him if he can convience jerry to talk to me... cz this is the convo. me and jerry had last night... it really hurt.. dione (6/29/2006 10:29:31 PM): hey... so will you talk to me yet? jerry (6/29/2006 10:30:31 PM): goto h3ll dione (6/29/2006 10:30:39 PM): why jerry (6/29/2006 10:31:02 PM): i have nuffin 2 say 2 u dione (6/29/2006 10:31:03 PM): are you still mad about aaron jerry (6/29/2006 10:31:22 PM): mad no jerry (6/29/2006 10:31:27 PM): pissed yes jerry (6/29/2006 10:31:34 PM): hurt goto h3ll dione (6/29/2006 10:31:41 PM): but why i told you the only reason i said yes to him is so he would leave me alone dione (6/29/2006 10:31:47 PM): jessica even dated him for that reason jerry (6/29/2006 10:32:08 PM): o well dione (6/29/2006 10:32:27 PM): so why you gonna be mad about some retard like aaron anyway dione (6/29/2006 10:32:57 PM): hold that thought im about to get kicked off the net so brb and we will finish this dione (6/29/2006 10:38:13 PM): ok... now im back.. jerry (6/29/2006 10:38:28 PM): well im leavin dione (6/29/2006 10:38:34 PM): no we need to talk jerry (6/29/2006 10:38:44 PM): thur is no talkin jerry (6/29/2006 10:38:46 PM): good bye jerry (6/29/2006 10:38:50 PM): got it? jerry (6/29/2006 10:38:51 PM): good jerry (6/29/2006 10:38:54 PM): bye jerry (6/29/2006 10:38:55 PM): !!! dione (6/29/2006 10:39:03 PM): hmm... your being mean dione (6/29/2006 10:39:23 PM): you know you could talk to me... cz this is stupid... why your mad at me jerry (6/29/2006 10:40:06 PM): hmmmmmz i wonder wah this ignore button does jerry (6/29/2006 10:40:16 PM): i dont know but ima bout to find out it hurt... cz for some reason i cant stop thinknig about jerry and all... i hope i havent fallen for him... i mean we been on and off i guess you can say for 6 months... he is sweet when i dont get him mad... and the only reason he gets mad at me is when i say he is a player cz thats what i hear... i just dont get it... i mean i really care about jerry but he wont talk to me now... he is SOOOOO mad at me cz aaron!! god!! i hate it... ok well thats all i wanted to say! and i feel sooo bad cz i hurt jerry sooo much... but i just dont get it... i mean me and jerry wasnt dating when i said yes to aaron.. i guess he was telling the truth when he said he really cared about me and i think that is why he is so hurt and mad... i feel like such an idiot right now... i probaly lost a good guy... like my friends tell me he told them he loves me a lot and he meant it when he said it... and all i did was doubt him! :( Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 18th, 2006
3:25 pm	hmm.. well i talked to marshal (my ex)... well for like 5 minutes online... through myspace message... it was good to hear that he is doing good... he has a girl now... well thats what he says but he still hasnt changed it on his myspace but whatever... but it was good to hear he had a girl... really... im glad... i hope they last... its good though im glad he is happy... i really am... ok... umm.. yea... but i dont know what else to say... he put a pic. of him on his myspace... its the one i took of him when he was down here... before we broke up... its a cute pic. of him... but he is always cute in his pix. so im glad he got a girl... he told me he was like yea i think i have a thing for short skinny girls... then i told him i dont know why he liked me then i aint short.. then he told me i was... he picks on me to much about my height... just cz he is like 6'3 dont mean nothing... but yea.. it was sooooo good talking to him... but yea... um... imma go... love yall! (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 16th, 2006
4:14 pm	a poem when i thought i couldnt feel this way about anyone again you proved that feeling wrong all this time i thought i could never feel this way for you but then something happened now all i can do is think of you i know your mad at me and it hurts so bad but i havent felt this way in a long time it scares me to death, cz i know you dont want anything to do with me and i just wish there was some way to change all this to make it the way it used to be i cant believe all this happened this way it tears me up inside knowing i hurt you i never meant to hurt you, i know you dont believe that but it is true i just hope one day you can realize that i am sorry that i would do anything to change the way you feel about me right now and to make you see how sorry i am for the mess i caused i just wish you felt the same as you did a few weeks ago but i know thats impossible cz all the pain i caused you but im going to say this one more time im sorry from the bottom of my heart and i hope you see that and forgive me for all the pain tell me what yall think about this.... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 14th, 2006
1:05 pm	my life... ha! ok well a lot has went on... so now i can write about something... well... yall know i been talking to jerry for like.. uh... 6 months i think... im not sure... well i do like him a lot and people know that... well... me and jessica became friends again... but of course that ended shorter than i thought... cz ill tell you exactly what happened... it all started when jessica met aaron at her house... well i really didnt talk to him.. cz jerry had warned me about him saying that jess should find someone else cz he aint worth it... well i ended up calling stacie that day while he was there... so i didnt talk to them much... but anyways... the next day i left for jacksonville with nina... well i was texting jess and aaron... i was telling aaron he better treat jess right or i'd hurt him... so he was like ill treat her good and all this... well the next day I THINK i cant remember... he told me that she wouldnt go anywheres with him and he was mad cz he wanted to spend time with her and all... well i tried convincing her to go with him somewhere but she wouldnt budge... ok well i guess they were doing ok... but then later on that nite he said they broke up... and i was like why???? and then he said cz she never wants to go anywhere and do anything.. well i told him thats cz she is shy just give her a chance... well he got back with her... things were good... the next day... he said they broke up again cz he said jess had another man... so i asked jess about it... she told me candice(her sis) told him that... and it was a lie... so i tried everything to get her to tell him that... but she wouldnt so i did... and he was like im to old to be playing games... so yea... then he was like why dont we date and i was like no cuz you just broke up with my best friend and i dont wanna loose her again... but then he was like well jess told me she would rather me and her friends anyways... and i was like thats not the point you just broke up with her and i dont wanna hurt her and i dont wanna loose her as a friend... then he was like telling me stuff about jerry... saying i shouldnt date him that he knew jerry and how he was... well i never told jerry that cuz he would go crazy... so he kept begging me saying oh you are so pretty and nice and we are perfect for each other and we live so close.. i was geting annoyed i kept tellin him i couldnt... but then i got so annoyed i was like ok ill date you.. so thats why i said yes to him... cz if you know me at all you know i cant have someone begging me over and over again cz ill end up saying yes... THATS HOW I HAVE BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE! im trying to work on that... i never meant to cause any drama between me and jerry and me and jess again... i never imagined it would get this out of hand... im sorry to everyone especiall JERRY AND JESSICA!!! cz i really like jerry... i havent felt this way about any guy since marshal... so yea... but i know its over now cz jerry dont want me... well this is all that happened... i hope yall can see it my way... i didnt mean to hurt anyone... or anything i promise... it was an innocent mistake that shouldnt of happened but it did... and i cant take it back... i just hope people can forgive me... ok im done... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 1st, 2006
2:37 pm	hmm..... well nothing is really happening to me... just normal boring stuff... but im going with nina june 8th to jacksonville, flordia for 2 weeks so that is good.. i guess... i get out of ms for a while... its gonna be fun.. hmm.. lets see well as yall know i broke up with jerry... but in ways i dont know! i still like him... its just something about him... not sure... its just that the only reason we used to fight is cuz i used to listen to people when they would start talking crap about him saying all he will do is cheat and all... which i dont think is true... cuz he did prove a good point one time... he said why would i cheat on you or whatever when for the past few months i been beggin to get you back... so yea... i dont know... i want to give him another chance.. i really do... i just have to learn to stop listening to other people... so yea... so i think we just need to talk about all that well me and jerry that is... cuz he is a great guy... he is sweet... and he makes me laugh a lot... so yea... ok im done now... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 29th, 2006
11:25 pm	this is an update. im done (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 19th, 2006
4:10 pm	update well ok i havent updated in forever... i told yall i couldnt keep up with this thing haha... but its all good... well this time a few things have happened to me... what a suprise... huh? lol... well first of all im over marshal he is a jerk and im sick of wasting my time on him and getting hurt from him... so yea... aint yall proud? haha... me and dustin aint together we just friends and thats all we will ever be no matter what... well me and jerry started talking again when he got out of boot camp... well he still wanted me even though i was a jerk to him. im suprised dang... whats so good about me that he tried so hard for so long? anyways... we date again so im happy.. he is a great guy... i just feel bad about the way i treated him... i hope it works out... we kinda argue a lot but its ok... we will get through it... i hope at least... i graduate finally may 21st i cant wait... i had a scare though wed. they tried to tell me i wouldnt graduate cuz i was failing but then they got it straightened out so i was happy about that... i may not have the best grades but you know what im graduating thats all that matters... cuz i really didnt think i would make it... but i did! i want to go visit jerry in sc but i dont know when that would happen.. and i want to go see stacie in washington haha... but dont know when that will be either... i know im going to nc in aug. to see family i havent seen in a long time so thats cool... but ok im tired of typing so imma stop! ill update again one day haha and let yall know.. oh yea and if you have myspace and you havent already commented on my pic of me in a skirt yall need to i look funny well according to people not funny but i think i do cuz i have white legs.. but i cant tan so yea... ok now im really gonna go... love yall! Current Mood: &wishin i could talk 2 jerry Current Music: watching cribs with tiff (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
2:07 pm	confused ugh... life sucks at times... im so lonely it sucks... i want a bf so bad... i mean i just miss that you know.. i know i got hurt really bad but i dont know i just want someone there for me... and the whole thing with dustin hate to break everyones heart but i dont think that is gonna happen i just dont think he likes me like that anymore... yea he did five years ago... but things change... i mean i wouldnt mind dating him cuz he is so cute and sooo sweet... and i have always had a thing for him.. but i was to young when he liked me before and i said i wouldnt date a military guy so much for that one huh? oh well... but now he gives me compliments and all.. but i dont know i just dont think he likes me like that anymore... i would ask him but im to scared to lol... cuz i have the hugest fear of rejection... so yea... but dont we all? i dont know i just want to be happy again i hate being sad! but the good thing is i havent cried for like 2 weeks yes! or maybe a lil longer i dont know.... ok well imma go.. love yall! Current Mood: and sad kinda Current Music: none (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 28th, 2006
7:52 am	bored hmm... well i dont know what to write about im just sittin in the library with nina for economics... we supposed to be doing extra credit but im already done so yea... hmm... well dustin came back yay thats my really good friend... people keep saying me and him should date... i mean i have known him for like 5 or 6 years... but i never thought about him like that... i know he used to have a huge crush on me but i dont know... maybe it might work who knows.. but he is really sweet and a cool guy... ok well imma go cuz i dont feel like typing and im being nosey watching nina look up stuff for her car... Current Mood: happy Current Music: nina talking about car parts haha (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
9:50 pm	update haha hmm...lets see nothing of course has really happened in my boring life! hmm... prom was last nite it was nice... even though mrs. tif forgot her ticket and home and me, her, thuy and thuys date sat at yuki's for about an hour... but i didnt get mad.... cuz honestly i didnt want to go so i could care less you know.... so in ways maybe im glad tiff left her ticket lol... but we only stayed for like 30 minutes if that but it was cool cuz then me, tiff, toya and my sister went and hung out... we brought tiff home so late... we didnt get back to biloxi til like 4am and i didnt get to sleep til like 5... then i didnt wake up til like 4 in the afternoon... and of course i was feeling sick again.... cuz friday i came home from school cuz i wasnt feeling good... then i took a whole bunch of medicine and slept all friday... then saturday the day of prom i felt good... i guess cz all the medicine... but then i woke up this morning and felt like crap again dang! but i cant miss no more school cz we only have like 3 weeks left if that... so yeah... i got buckle down and start trying harder cuz i been lazy all year... gr... why did i do that? whatever anyways... thats all for now... who knows when ill post again lol..... Current Mood: okay Current Music: none (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
10:24 pm	not together anymore! well... hmm... i thought i was happy! guess not! me and marshal broke up again.... and this time there aint no 3rd chance... he done moved on so i dont care... he sat there and told me he loved me when he was here and all but then he found someone else... what a jerk huh? well you know what i aint gonna let that stop my happiness sure imma be sad cuz it hurts REALLY bad... but imma move on to... to jerry! he is a great guy! i was being a jerk to him though so i feel soo bad... when me and marshal first broke up and i started dating him, i was acting like i didnt like him... but i just wanted marshal back... but i did get him back... but then he moved on... so imma write jerry in boot camp and tell him about it and tell him i want to be with him... cuz he really likes me... so yeah... but i would appreciate it if no one brings up his name around me... and i do mean marshal! cuz i hate him soo much! so yea thats all... Current Mood: content Current Music: none (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 16th, 2006
2:33 am	scared kind of..... well hmm.. i havent updated in forever! so yeah.. but nothing really has happened except marshals lil friend jennifer was pretending to be someone else to make me mad at marshal and all that crap ugh.. i hate her! but now marshal aint talking to me... not sure why i havent talked to him since fri(well yesterday) and he said he would call back and he never did...then i tried calling back and he completely ignored me all night then... today i tried calling all day he didnt answer... or text me back... and at one point it sounded like he answered and hung up... im not sure whats up with him but it hurts so bad... i havent really got much sleep cuz i been worried about whats gonna happen... i cant loose him again it happened once and i got him back... im just scared he was just getting back with me to make me feel better and so he could stay with me for those two nights... but i doubt marshal would do that... i just want to know whats going on.... i want to have a serious talk with him but he wont answer... so im clueless... hopefully tomorrow ill post something good... you know if i talk to him... i just hope i do... i hate being clueless... so yea... imma go though cuz im messing with myspace... i love marshal sooo much i hope everything is ok! Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 10th, 2006
10:46 am	military sucks.... sorry but it does you know what i honestly hate the military... cuz it really sucks... always having to say good bye to the one you love... i been dating marshal well may 1st would of made 2 years for me and marshal but we broke up for a lil while but we are back together... and according to him we didnt break up we were put on hold so yea... anyways i just hate it... cuz the first time i ever had to say goobye to him was when he left for boot camp... that just killed me! then to make it worse i had to say bye to him twice in two days cuz he ended up coming back again that nite cuz i kinda forgot why but he came back and then again i had to say bye to him... but then after a few months of just letters and like a phone call or two he came back and i was soooo happy... plus he was in flordia... so he came down like every weekend that he didnt have duty or watch... and sometimes even if he did have watch and duty on a friday nite he would come to my house at like 2 in the morning just so he could spend the weekend with me but of course he had to leave on sunday... that was soo sweet i thought... i love him so much! but even when he came down on the weekend and had to leave i cried like a baby... even though i knew he was coming back the following weekend... its just the thought of not waking up to him and being able to hold him.... it just sucked... so then school FINALLY ended so i went to stay with my cousin in flordia so i could see him more... that was great... then after about 2 weeks of that.... he gradated A school... then he came home for a while... but then had to go back to flordia for C school... ugh... but i was glad he was still close then after a few more weeks lol... he graduated from C school.... then he got to go home for another while... then stupid hurricane katrina... ugh... at first i wasnt going to go anywheres i wanted to stay with my parents... but marshal woke me up and told me to go with him and his family... i really didnt want to cuz i was worried about my family... but marshal wouldnt let me stay so i went with him and his family... it was a lot of fun i got to go to places i have never been cz really i never been out the south except to az for 2 weeks.... so yea it was a lot of fun.... but then all the fun had to end AGAIN! it was that time for deployment!!!!!!!!! gr... that morning he had to leave i havent even woke up for a second and i started to cry like a baby! cuz i knew i wouldnt see him for 6 months... dang i hate the navy! so yeah... but anyways the point to this i guess... is.... that its so hard to be with someone in the military... but if you really love them, everything will work out! cuz they constantly leave and its so hard cuz your used to them being there then bang there gone again... so yeah.... but anyways i just felt like typing all this cuz i was bored outta my mind... yea... ok well imma go! Current Mood: content Current Music: none (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
1:10 pm	hmm... lets see... nothing really intersting happened today... im just happy me and marshal is dating again... i have never been happier... its sooooo great!!!! i love him so much... he means the world to me... well spring break starts tomorrow yes! im so happy... im ready to sleep haha... well not much more to type well imma go for now... Current Mood: happy Current Music: tv (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 3rd, 2006
1:38 pm	hmm.. well i havent updated in a couple days i cant help it there is nothing really happening... so yeah i cant post cuz it will be the same thing that happens everyday... so yeah... but its another monday ugh... and we all HATE mondays... but its all good... i had fun this weekend though at the bowling alley... just wish other people came to... like corinne and chane... but we had fun... well imma go now... Current Mood: happy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 30th, 2006
2:23 pm	well hmm.. today... nothing interesting happened as usual... i fell asleep in mr. davis class and andrea woke me up cuz she said i was about to fall out my desk... haha thats sooo funny... but its all good... it sooo boring... i dont know what im doing this weekend maybe staying home who knows.... i cant wait til spring break im ready to sleep hehe... im a sleepyhead... but its all good... and imma try to hang out with tif and all them... and of course i know nina will come get me... and my friend lizzy wants to spend time with me cuz she hasnt seen me in like... 5 or more years... so yeah... well imma go for now... Current Mood: content (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
1:17 pm	hey... whats up yall? i just got my hair cut yay! lol... my sister did it... if you are on my myspace you can go look at it and tell me what ya think... well today was a good day.. i wasnt that tired cuz i went to bed early last nite... 11 yay! well hmm... yea i had a goverment test today which i know i failed cuz i have mr. davis so yeah... he is sooo hard... gr... its all good tho...well i dont know what else to write... write back later... if i remember again haha... Current Mood: happy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 26th, 2006
2:02 am	hey yall... well today was fun... i went with nina and them bowling.... it was cool... i was just tired... and i went with nina, chane, and corinne to ocean springs to get bubble tea.... it was good... but just the bubbles tasted funny after a while.... and i accidentally hit nina twice i really didnt mean to it hit the fence then hit her... i promise i didnt do it on purpose... well imma go cuz its like 2 in the morning and im talking to stacie on the phone... (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 24th, 2006
1:35 pm	hmm... well lets see what i can write about... well im at school in the library bored outta my mind... but hey mrs. powers aint here so we dont have to do work... yay! cuz i sure hate doing school work i hate school period... but its all good... im so happy today is friday! i cant wait til spring break but we dont get out til april 7th... gr... but its all good... im so tired! grr.. i hate waking up early! it sucks! but its all good... and tif me sowwie for not callin ya back... me love ya! i need to get a camera... im proud of myself i went and bought my prom shirt and senior shirt... but i have to wait to buy my prom ticket... the only reason im going to prom is cuz tif wants me to go and i dont want her to miss her prom just cuz i dont wanna go... so yea... but its all good i know ill have fun cuz tif is crazy but so much fun to be around... well imma go for now... cuz i dont know what else to type... (3 Comments |Comment on this)